5 Phrases Expectant Parents Hate To Hear From Adopting Parents (And What To Say Instead)

Right now an expectant parent with an adoption plan is browsing through profiles of prospective adoptive parents, hoping to connect with someone just like you. So why not help her?

Your parent profile is your calling card, a self-portrait that explains who you are, why you’re adopting, and what kind of parent you would be.

Through your words, your profile can paint a compelling picture of your life and help you create a strong first impression in the minds of expectant parents.

In short, it could be the game-changer in your quest to adopt a baby.

But if you’re not careful, your words can also be a huge turn-off for your readers as they make one of the biggest and most difficult decisions of their life.

Here are five phrases you need to avoid in your profile and in follow-up conversations with expectant parents who are exploring adoption.


1. “Dear Birthmother”

Example: “Dear Birthmother, our names are…”

Why expectant parents hate it: “Dear Birthmother” implies they’ve already made up their mind to choose adoption and that the person who is reading your profile is a woman, when in fact it could be the expectant father or a family member or friend.

What to say instead: “Hello”

Why this works better: “Hello” or “hi” is a more conversational and natural way to introduce yourself.

2. “Give up baby for adoption.”

Example: “If you give up your baby for adoption we will…”

Why expectant parents hate It: “Give up” suggests that the expectant parents are discarding their child without giving their decision much care or consideration.

What to say instead: “If you place your baby for adoption…”

Why this works better: “Placing your baby” reflects the loving decision that expectant parents make when creating an adoption plan for their child.

3. “Your baby would be a gift to us.”

Example: “Your baby will be a gift to us that we will never forget….”

Why expectant parents hate it: The reason expectant mothers and fathers are considering adoption is because they want what’s best for their child, not to provide another couple with a “gift.”

What to say instead: “We know that your decision is made out of love for your baby.”

Why this works better: Prospective birthparents, especially prospective birthmothers, have to suffer through all kinds of insensitive comments and misconceptions in the lead-up to their baby’s placement. When they browse through adoption profiles, they’re hoping to find a family who will understand and respect them and the choices that they’ve made.

4. “You will make our dreams come true.”

Example: “By honouring us with your baby, you will make our dreams come true…”

Why expectant parents hate it: Expectant parents are dealing with a crisis situation when they’re exploring adoption and are not responsible for your happiness.

What to say instead: “Whatever you decide to do, we wish you only the best.”

Why this works better: Expectant parents need to feel like they have choices and that whatever they end up doing will be the right decision for them and their baby.

5. “All we’re missing is a baby.”

Example: “Our lives are perfect, all we’re missing is a baby…”

Why expectant parents hate it: Telling an expectant mother or father who is still weighing the pros and cons of an adoption plan that their baby will make your life whole puts extra pressure on them in the midst of a  very stressful and uncertain moment in their life.

What to say instead: “We’re ready and excited to adopt.”

Why this works better: Nobody’s perfect. Instead of sugarcoating details of your life and undermining your credibility, focus on how excited you are to adopt and the future you can offer a child.

The language you use in your adoption profile or in conversations with prospective birthparents can help you make a connection with them. Just be sure to employ words and phrases that are sensitive to their situation and the challenges they’re facing.

If you don’t, you could rub them the wrong way and lose out on a great opportunity to build a relationship with the parents of your future child.

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