If there’s one thing scarier than dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and creating an adoption plan for your baby, it’s looking for adoptive parents to raise her.
Even though adoption practices have become more open and transparent over the past three decades, the decision to place a baby is still widely misunderstood and frowned upon by certain members of society.
What many people still don’t understand is that in open adoption today placing a child is an act of love, not rejection.
Birthmothers—women who relinquish their babies for adoption because they’re not ready or able to become parents— freely and voluntarily choose their child’s parents and can have a lifelong relationship with them,
They don’t just “put them up” or “give them up” without a second thought.
If you’re pregnant and feeling guilty or confused about considering adoption, that’s one thing to keep in mind as you begin your search for an adoptive family.
And it’s also an important detail to be mindful of if you’re a prospective adoptive parent trying to connect with expectant parents through your adoption profile.
Knowing who you’re writing to, what she’s looking for, and what her mindset is could be the game changer in your adoption search—the difference between getting chosen and not getting chosen.
Here are 10 things that an expectant mother looking for adoptive parents for her baby wants you to know.
1. I am placing my baby for adoption because I want her to have the future she deserves, not because I think I’d be a bad mother
2. My child may have been unplanned, but she isn’t unwanted.
3. Even though I will not raise my child, not a day will go by without me thinking about her.
4. I am not making this decision lightly. Although I may question it from time to time, I will not regret it.
5. You will be my child’s parents, and I will respect that. After carefully planning my child’s placement, the last thing I want is to interfere in any way that would jeopardize my child’s happiness.
6. Just because I’m creating an adoption plan doesn’t mean I’m not a mother. My decision has little to do with me and everything to do with giving my child opportunities that I can’t provide.
7. I understand that adoption isn’t co-parenting and that setting and respecting boundaries are the keys to success.
8. My status as my child’s mother should in no way threaten yours.
9. After my baby’s placement, I will not just pick myself up and move on. It is a loss that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
10. Speaking ill of me will not only poison our relationship, it will also hurt your relationship with our child.
There are many misconceptions about women who choose adoption for their babies and their reasons for placing. Knowing what to expect can smooth the path if you’re looking for adoptive parents for your baby.
And, if you’re hoping to adopt, knowing what an expectant mother is looking for can help you connect with her faster and easier and build a strong, healthy relationship together for years to come.