Kids say the funniest things. But adults have also been known to say some silly things every now and then.
Especially when it comes to adoption—and placing a baby for adoption in particular.
If you’re pregnant and are thinking about adoption or making an open adoption plan for your baby, you probably know what we’re talking about.
But don’t get angry. Get armed.
Keep in mind that unless they have a personal connection to open adoption, most people you’ll meet will have a limited understanding of what it involves or the circumstances behind your decision.
In fact, you’re likely the first person they’ve ever come across who is making a placement plan.
So instead of blowing up, use the encounter as an educational opportunity—a chance to teach them about what open adoption really entails.
You’ll feel better, and they’ll walk away better informed.
Here are 10 things that pregnant women who are thinking about adoption or making an open adoption plan commonly get asked, and how to answer them.
1. “Don’t you love your baby?”
Answer: “Yes, of course, I do. In fact, I love him so much that I wanted the best for him. That’s why I made an adoption plan.”
2. “Why are you giving your baby away?”
Answer: “I’m not giving my baby away. I’m making an adoption plan that will let me be a part of her life and watch her grow up.”
3. “I could never do that.”
Answer: “I totally understand. A lot of people couldn’t do what I’m doing. Adoption is a personal decision and everyone chooses it for different reasons. So until you know what my reasons are, I would hold off judging me.”
4. “You took the easy way out.”
Answer: “Adoption is far from easy. I didn’t make my decision lightly, no one in my position does. This was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. But given my circumstances and the future I want my child to have, I’ve decided that it’s the best one.”
5. “Aren’t you worried your child will grow up hating you?”
Answer: “One of the great things about open adoption is that I can stay in touch with my child as she grows up and have an ongoing relationship with her. Whenever she has questions, I’ll be right there to answer them. Because of that, she’ll always know who I am and why I made my decision. And I’ll always know that she is cared for and loved.”
6. “How do you feel about strangers raising your baby?”
Answer: “His parents aren’t strangers. As part of the open adoption process, I not only got to chose them, I spoke with them, met them and got to know them and their families. They’re lovely people, and I couldn’t have asked for better parents to raise him.”
7. “What does the father say about giving your baby away?”
Answer: “I’m sure that if you asked him, he would be happy to tell you.”
8. “What if the baby’s father doesn’t agree with your decision?”
Answer: “He has his own thoughts and feelings about my decision, and I respect that.”
9. What does your family say about your adoption plans?
Answer: “Again, that’s a personal question. But they also understand and respect my decision, and I hope you will, too.”
10. “Do you ever wish you could go back in time and change what happened?
Answer: “Hindsight is always 20/20, but I’m comfortable with my decision. Nobody forced me into it. At the same time, if I decide that it’s not the right choice, I have the option to change my mind.”
The decision to place a baby for adoption after an unplanned pregnancy is never easy, and dealing with people’s questions and comments about it doesn’t make it easier. Although some of the things you’ll hear may come out of left field and sound rude and insensitive, the truth is most people just don’t know any better.
Keep an open mind and use your interactions as opportunities to inform others about how the open adoption process works and why you believe it’s the right choice for you.