Our Facebook Community Shares Its Adoption Fears, Hopes And Dreams

open-adoption-familyEveryone’s adoption experience is different.

And so last month, as we do every year during National Adoption Month as part a series called “30 Days 30 Questions,” we wanted to find out what kind of experience you’ve had.

Every day for 30 days we posted a different question on our Facebook page that tapped into your innermost thoughts and feelings.

What do you think is the biggest misconceptions about adoption? What was your biggest fear? What was the turning point in your journey? How has adoption changed your life and the way that you look at the world?

We got a ton of great responses — from all members of the adoption triad: adoptive parents, waiting adoptive parents, birthparents, and adoptees.

You can check them out on our page now. But since they’re going to be hard to find down the road, I’ve collected some of the highlights and posted them here.

When you’re done reading them, I’d love to know which response hits home with you. Which answers do you relate to? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page and be sure to visit for more answers to your adoption questions.

What does adoption mean to you? 

“As a adopted person, a family that was the right fit. As a mother waiting to adopt I hope that I’ll be able to provide what my parents provided for me.” 

What do you think is the biggest misconception about adoption?

“People don’t realize there are 30,000 kids here in Canada who need permanent homes. Both my daughters were adopted through Children’s Aid. Both were in foster care. No one could believe we “got” two beautiful, healthy children right here in Canada. People wanting to adopt: you don’t have to wait years and travel to the other side of the world. There are kids RIGHT HERE.” 

What’s the best or worst thing about adoption?

“The best thing is my sons, they make me smile every day. The worst was the transition period when they came to live with us, it was hard getting to know and like these amazing boys. I loved them from the day I met them, I didn’t always like them and that was the hardest thing and made me feel like a terrible parent.”

Who or what had the biggest impact on your adoption journey?

“Our daughter’s birth mom. If she didn’t choose us we wouldn’t have our family.”

What has been the easiest or hardest part of your adoption journey so far?

“Easiest: Loving our daughter with every ounce of my soul. Hardest: waiting and making those tough decisions on paper about the type of child we believe we could best parent. Adding kids by birth you take what you get and make the best of it, I found it really emotionally hard when you have to check boxes regarding what medical conditions to rule out or in.” 

If you could change one thing about your adoption journey, what would it be?

“Would have started a lot earlier!”

What are some of the things you did to cope with the emotional ups and downs?

“I have a journal that I used to get rid of the emotional garbage that spins around in my head so that i could stay focused on the other stuff and i have great friends who listen and not try to solve any problems.”

What has been the biggest surprise in your adoption journey?

“The small amount of babies out there to adopt, and how hard it is to find help!”

What advice do you have about moving forward after a failed match?

“Try not to lose confidence or second-guess everything (both what has passed, and what is to come). Acknowledge anything learned in hindsight and use that information to inform future directions.”

What advice do you have for hopeful adoptive parents who are thinking of quitting?

“Hopeful adoptive parents who may quit: consider taking a break instead. Regain your perspective. Find your balance. Breathe. Refocus – what do you want and why? Once you feel more ‘steady’ make a decision. Continue to pursue adoption or not. It’s not for everyone – and the challenge of being matched is just the beginning. BUT it is worth it.”

Do you believe an adoption match is a stroke of luck, meant to be, or something else entirely?

“Meant to be. Everything happens at the right time for the right reasons.” 

What’s your biggest regret about your adoption journey?

“As an adoptee, not knowing birth information. Just received some which I am eternally grateful.”

What advice do you have for adoptive parents and birthparents who want more contact and/or openness in their relationship?

“I would love more openness with our daughter’s birth parents, but they are not ready. This has been hard, I always thought we would have more of a relationship, I have had to learn patience and the art of letting go, to accept where they are at and have faith that what we have is enough.”

What advice do you have for adoptive parents and birthparents who want more contact and/or openness in their relationship?

“It takes commitment. From an adoptive parent perspective: You will need more than love and a desire to parent. You will need to be able to see beyond the family you want to create and embrace so more more.”

Do you have an adoption story? We’d love to share it with your community. Email us any time or find details here.

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