Choosing an adoptive family for your baby is a key part of the open adoption placement process.
But as you go through the profiles of adoptive families, one question that may be nagging at you is, am I doing this for the right reason?
Placing a baby for adoption is a personal choice, one that only you can make.
Even the most confident expectant mothers struggle with it and undergo periods of intense soul-searching in the weeks and days leading up to placement.
That’s perfectly normal. For most expectant moms, adoption is unchartered territory. Nobody grows up dreaming of placing their baby after an unplanned pregnancy.
As a result, your decision could stir up all kinds of surprising and conflicting emotions.
But if your doubts go deeper than that, they could point to a bigger issue at hand.
You may be second guessing your entire adoption plan and the motivations behind it.
There is no one right reason to choose adoption or adoptive parents for your baby. Adoption is a complicated process, and everyone has their own reasons for turning to it.
But if you’re considering adoption for any of the reasons below, you may want to examine them a little more closely before making your final decision.
1. I don’t think I’ll be a good mother
Questioning your parenting abilities is something that every new mother-to-be experiences as she awaits the birth of a child.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility—one that will change every aspect of your life overnight, no question about it.
And just like any mother you’ll make mistakes. But you’ll learn from them and every day you’ll get better at it.
Which is why your fear of being a bad mother by itself isn’t a valid reason to rule out parenting and embrace adoption.
2. It takes a lot of money to parent, and I’m not rich
It takes money to raise a child. In addition to providing necessities such as food, clothing and shelter, money can also help pay for things like music lessons, clubs, camps and other things that can help a child grow and thrive.
But while money is important, it’s not the be-all and end-all when it comes to raising a happy, whole child.
Your emotional resources are, by far, much more important. Plus, there’s nothing to say that your financial situation won’t improve over time.
Which is why this on its own shouldn’t be a reason for you to consider adoption.
3. A child needs two parents to thrive, and I’m on my own
As you’re looking through the adoption profiles, you can’t help but be impressed by all of the couples and their lifestyles. They seem so stable, like they have their lives together, while you’re still struggling with yours.
You may think about how much better off your child would be if he had two parents instead of one. With two parents, your child will never be alone or wanting.
A two-parent family has its advantages, but that alone shouldn’t be the sole reason to choose adoption, especially if you have a strong support system through your family and friends.
Many children today are growing up in a single parent family. And while it can be challenging at times, the children seem to be doing just fine.
4. I want to help a family that can’t have children
When you read a profile about a family that yearns to start a family, it’s tempting to want to help them. They want a child so badly, more than anything else in the world. The only thing holding them back is their infertility.
You, on the other hand, got pregnant without any effort at all, and now you’re not sure whether you’re ready to parent. Just think, you could give them something they don’t have and make their lives complete.
That’s a generous thought. But before you get too far ahead of yourself, keep in mind that this is your baby.
Ultimately it’s up to you to decide what’s in her best interests and what kind of future you want her to have.
5. I want to get back at the baby’s father
Placing a baby for adoption is a huge decision. And though you’re the only one who can make it, you need to be mindful that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Putting your baby’s needs before your own and finding a family that you think will offer your baby a bright future are good reasons to consider adoption.
Getting revenge on the baby’s father isn’t. Regardless of how you feel about him, your child’s father needs to know about your adoption plan and, ideally, support it.
If he doesn’t, he could throw a wrench into your adoption plans and he and your child could wind up resenting you for it.
If you’re not ready to parent, finding adoptive parents for your baby can enrich your child’s life and take a load off of your shoulders. But it’s complicated so make sure that you’re going into it with your eyes open and for the right reasons.
Ask yourself hard questions about your decision and your motivations behind it. Take all the time you need to carefully consider your choices and then go where your gut tells you.
Ready to look for adoptive parents for your baby? Check out our couples who are hoping to adopt.
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