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»  Canada Adopts!   » Public Domestic Adoption   » Adopting siblings

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Author Topic: Adopting siblings
choose2care
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posted 12-15-2011 04:52 PM     Profile for choose2care   Email choose2care     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I really want to adopt siblings...two kiddos, the max I would consider is 3 but I would much prefer 2.
My husband seriously thought about what it would be like to go from no children to 2 children and he was a little overwhelmed at the thought. He isn't opposed, just thinks it would be a little crazy.
Could you help me understand some of the challenges of adopting siblings? I'm wondering if my eyes are not wide open.
I love the possibility of adopting siblings so I may be wearing rose coloured glasses to some degree.
I like the idea of an adopted child having a blood relative, we want two children, I have years of experience babysitting two children at once and like it...etc.
I guess my question is, why NOT siblings? Thanks. This forum is SO helpful!

Posts: 216 | From: Eastern Ontario | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged
foster mom & hopeful adoptive mom
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posted 12-15-2011 05:32 PM     Profile for foster mom & hopeful adoptive mom   Email foster mom & hopeful adoptive mom     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
First off, I'd like to say siblings are alot of fun.  We have 4 siblings who came to us through foster care first, now in the beginning stages of adopting them. 

We went from zero kids to two kids initially (girl 3.5 yrs & boy 2.5 yrs) &  6 months later their sister joined us at 2 yrs old, 8 months after that their brother  joined us at 8 months old. We know have a 5 yr old, a 4 yr old, a 3 yr old, and a 1 yr old.

Has it been easy, yes and no, but it's been tons of fun and I wouldn't change it for the world.  I find it's been a little easier for my kids to adjust to a new family because they have each other which offers them a sense of stability. 

Some of the challenges we faced were, they both wanted attention all the time, when both of us were home it was okay because we could divide and conquer so to speak. The sibling fights, nothing new to us to be involved in but to watch it happen and trying to decide when to intervene and when to let them figure it out for themselves. 

Honestly for my husband and I, fostering and soon to be adopting our 4 siblings has been the best thing that we have ever decided to do. Watching how the interact with each other and who plays with who more has been wonderful.


Posts: 51 | From: | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged
joyous
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posted 12-15-2011 10:09 PM     Profile for joyous   Email joyous     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I echo what the first reponder said. We went from no kids to three in May, and I think it's great fun that we adopted so many at once. We knew we wanted to adopt at least two siblings...and our three just seemed like such a great fit that we couldn't turn them down! (And I sort of enjoy all the amazed expressions when people learn what we did - although the comments about having a "ready-made" family make me want to reply that we're just getting started...).

I am an introverted person who needs lots of down time, but have coped with having three come at once. However, there are times when two or three are demanding attention (and perhaps acting out to get it) at the same time, having simultaneous tantrums at the pharmacy when I am without stroller, shopping cart, or baby carrier, etc., when things get tricky. Logistically, prepping multiple kids to go out, fitting everyone in the vehicle (thank goodness for minivans and Suburbans - mine are all in car seats) is definitely more work.

But...the bigg-ish, bubbling family I always envisioned has been worth all that. Seeing the similarities and differences between the kids is fascinating, and watching them grow in their relationships with each other is lovely. I think some things are actually easier with more than one - our kids do entertain each other to some extent, which can be a great help. I also think the boys' transition has likely been eased by having each other.

I have read about the possibility of sibling bonds impacting the formation of attachments and relationships in a new family, but in our situation, that does not seem to have been the case. Certainly, I would not try to talk someone out of adopting siblings, if they have that desire!


Posts: 163 | From: Southwestern Ontario | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged
jule
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posted 12-15-2011 10:42 PM     Profile for jule   Email jule     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
We adopted two siblings at the same time. They have such a close bond and having each other helped in the transition. That being said - it was far more difficult for us parents at first than we anticipated. Here we were with a baby and a toddler, both walkers, who had not yet bonded with us - so going out in public required two parents. While the first 6 weeks were incredibly difficult, it did get much easier. I wouldn't change a thing!
Jule

Posts: 99 | From: Toronto | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged
StarryEyes
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posted 12-15-2011 10:57 PM     Profile for StarryEyes   Email StarryEyes     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
My boys are not natural siblings, but came home 3 months apart (they are 5 months apart in age). It was very tough in the beginning. EVERYONE are adjusting and you can get very tired and spread thin. But once the bonding is accomplished and you get a routine it is bliss ... and then some days you call your husband and say "get home, I need a break 10 minutes ago" (like I had to do today.... these are two very rambunctious boys I have - I am zonked tonight). If you can handle the downs of acting out x 2 and making time for 2 in a one on one scenario then you can do it. It's not all hard. It's just work to start. But again, you get used to it and it becomes magic.
Posts: 1590 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
crzy4scrapbooking
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posted 01-16-2012 10:14 AM     Profile for crzy4scrapbooking   Email crzy4scrapbooking     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
We are in the process of fostering to adopt 3 girls all under the age of 5. We are just a few months in and at times I ask if I was crazy to take this on but most of the time it is amazing. They are all very close in age and siblings. With how long the adoption process is, I wanted to do siblings as I did not want to have to start the process again and wait and stress and wonder and all that stuff that we go through with home studies and waiting for placements, so for me it was purely selfish, I wanted more than one child and did not want the process more than once.... My ideal was 2 but like the other posters have said, we went with this group of 3 because they just fit with our family. I assure you it will be crazy adjusting and you will question your sanity for doing it, but in the end it is worth it!

Good Luck with your decision!


Posts: 135 | From: London, ON | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
2dads3babies
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posted 01-17-2012 07:28 AM     Profile for 2dads3babies   Email 2dads3babies     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Everyone thought (and told us) that we were crazy for adopting 3 at once. It didn't scare us off.

Everything turned out fine. We don't know what it is like to have just one at a time, so this is our "normal" and we love it.


Posts: 80 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged
crzy4scrapbooking
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posted 01-17-2012 03:38 PM     Profile for crzy4scrapbooking   Email crzy4scrapbooking     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I agree with 2dads, this is our normal. The first couple weeks I was exhausted by 8 am but now I am back to my normal self and handling the 3 has gotten much easier!
Posts: 135 | From: London, ON | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged

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