Canada Adoption For Birth Mothers | How To Choose Adoptive Parents For Your Child

	Adoption Risks:
	Is Adoption for You?
	Choosing Your Adoptive Parents
	A Good "Fit"
	If You Change Your Mind
	Just Before the Placement and After
	Ten Common Mistakes Birth Mothers Make When Choosing Adoptive Parents

Choosing Adoptive Parents For Your Child
Next to deciding whether adoption is for you, your single most important consideration will be to choose a family for your child. As you'll see from the Waiting Parent Registry, there's no shortage of prospective parents to help you. The hard part is deciding which one is right for you.

There's no magic formula. This is something you'll discover on your own, over time. The decision boils down to personal preference and will vary from one person to the next. Every prospective adoptive parent, for instance, may be right for one birth mother, and wrong for another. Your challenge is find the one(s) that best suit your needs.

So how do you do that? Above all, trust your instincts. Go back to the "Dear Birth Mother" letters for a moment. Was there one that jumped out at you? If so, why? What was it about the letter that made it so memorable? And is there enough to pique your interest and want to find out more?

If the answer to the last question was yes, then you're ready to move to the next stage: contacting the prospective adoptive parents. But before you do that, keep in mind:

Just because you contact a couple doesn't mean you have to place your child with them
You can still shop around for other couples
If you're unsure about them, it's better to send an e-mail than make a call
Adoption is a legal process and there's still another independent procedure you have to go through before the placement can be approved
You can't get paid for adoption nor can the couple offer you anything as an incentive to choose them

By the way, the fact that you live in the US doesn't prevent you from placing your baby with a Canadian adoptive couple. It all depends on where you live. Each state, just like each province, has its own adoption laws. This isn't something you need to worry about now. An adoption professional can explain it in more detail when the time comes.

Sending an e-mail has certain advantages over making a phone call: First, it's less committal. And it's anonymous, which means it's also less stressful. You can find out everything you want to know without really saying a single word. As for its content, your first e-mail message can be as brief or as detailed as you like. But don't be too brief. At the very least, the message should contain:

Your (first) name
Where you live (the province or state or city)
Something about your situation
Your due date
Any other basic information or questions

Calling sends out a different signal than an e-mail. Because it's more direct, it's tends to be taken more seriously

Remember, your message doesn't have to be as comprehensive as this. But the more you say now, the more seriously the prospective adoptive parents will take you. Leaving your first name, for instance, doesn't give anything away, but it's a nice gesture -- a sign of trust. It will help you get your relationship off on the right footing and show that you're serious in your intentions.

By the way, don't assume that just because a couple is listed in the Waiting Parent Registry that they don't already have another potential adoption on the go. They might -- they just might be waiting to see how it pans out and left their letter online as insurance.

Keeping this in mind, one additional question you may want to ask is whether they're still looking to start or expand their family. If they already have one situation in the works, legally and morally they can't get involved in another.

On your end, calling has many advantages. The biggest one, of course, is that it will give you a better idea about the couple.

Phoning sends out a different signal than an e-mail. Because it's more direct, it tends to be taken more seriously. And at the very minimum, it will let the prospective adoptive parents know that you're anxious to move forward.

On your end, calling has many advantages. The biggest one is that it will give you a better idea about the waiting parents. From the way they answer the phone to the sound of their voice to their conversation style, each word will tell you something about them. Make sure that what they say corresponds to what they've written in their letter. And don't give out your phone number unless you're prepared to hear back from them.