Never Give Up: Adoption Advice from a Canadian Gay Man Who Fought the Government…And Won

This guest post is by David McKinstry, an adoptive father. 

“In for a pound, in for penny.”  

I remember my grandparents using that old adage when they’d tell me about making the decision to leave Ireland and the United Kingdom bound for Canada in the early 20th century. They said once the decision was made, there was no turning back and they faced the fact they were “in for a pound, in for a penny” and would meet all adjustments and challenges head-on and with determination to make it work.  Likewise, I assumed that headstrong position when I decided, early in my life, that I would be a parent someday, one way or the other. 

Living through the 1980’s as a young man, it wasn’t a time in history predisposed to gay people adopting children. In 1983 I was still not ‘out’ and inquired about adoption as a single man which drew the ire of some social workers who said, “when we have couples wanting to adopt babies and children, why would we give you a child over a couple?” 

My first lover, a med student at the University of British Columbia, bought into my desire to adopt but he unfortunately passed away in a car accident. There weren’t many gay men lining up to date a guy who wanted to adopt children, so I figured I would become a single dad. However, I was still told no respectable social agency would endorse me as a candidate for adoption.  Read More

How My Adoption Changed My Life. And Why We Need More Champions For Children

This guest post is by Zoe Bourgeois, an adoptee and social worker. 

November is one of my favourite months for many reasons really.

I have told my story more times than I count to so many different kinds of people all over the world. Adoption is a HUGE part of my life.

It literally saved me from aging out of the Provincial Care System (foster care). I was very lucky, and I mean very lucky to have found mama at the age I did. Read More

And We Wait…

This guest post is by An Adoptive Mother Who Is No Longer Waiting.

When I tell people we’re adopting, the reactions are varied.

Some people comment,
“that’s great!” and behind
the smile in their eyes
I see them wonder…

Is it I or my husband
who’s the weak link
in the fertility chain

And we wait…

Read More

How Do I Get Chosen By A Birthmother?

If you’re looking to find a match through open adoption, chances are you’ve asked yourself one of these questions: What are birthmothers looking for? What do I need to do to get chosen? Is there something I need to say that will increase my chances of being picked?

If only it were that easy. The reality is that when it comes to getting chosen, there’s no magic formula.

Every situation, just like every birthmother or — more accurately — expectant parent considering adoption, is different.

But that’s also the good news: It means that anything is possible. In many ways, adoption matching is a level playing field. You have the same shot at getting chosen as the next person.   

At least on the surface. In some cases, an expectant mother (or parents) may have a very specific list of criteria about what they’re looking for in their baby’s adoptive parents which will narrow down their choices. 

For instance, if they live in the country, they may want a couple whose lifestyle mirrors their own. On the other hand, if they grew up with a single mother, they may want a two-parent family.

Read More