If you’re expecting as a result of an unplanned pregnancy and looking at open adoption for your baby, you’re likely wrestling with a lot of questions.
And one that may come up again and again is simply, “why?”
Why adoption? Why look for adoptive parents for your baby?
Is it the right thing to do? Why do other women choose adoption for their child? How do your reasons stack up against theirs?
These are all good questions. Problem is, there are no simple answers.
For one thing, no two adoption stories alike.
Although there may be similarities between your story and someone else’s, at the end of the day placing a baby for adoption is a personal choice that each woman must make on her own.
Many people won’t understand your decision and will automatically assume that you’re “giving up” or “giving away” your baby because you don’t care for him.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Most birthmothers today make their decision out of love.
They choose open adoption because they’ve decided to put their child’s interests before their own.
Some people will eventually get it. Other’s won’t.
And that’s okay. It’s your baby and what you eventually decide to do—whether it be placing, parenting or terminating your pregnancy—is none of their business.
Still, if you’re feeling the weight of other people’s judgements and uncertain about whether you’re making the right decision, here are other common reasons why expectant mothers turn to open adoption and choose adoptive parents for their child.
1. She’s not ready to parent
When it comes to starting a family, timing is everything.
Raising a child changes a person’s life, and lifestyle, in every imaginable way.
But some women aren’t ready to parent, in which case they will look at other alternatives.
For religious, medical or other others, terminating their pregnancy through abortion may not be on the table.
Which leaves what’s often described as the so-called “third choice”: adoption.
Adoption is hard, but it can be the right decision for the right person.
The key is to gather all of the information you can, get proper counseling, speak to others have made an adoption plan before you, and make an informed decision.
2. She wants her child to have opportunities that she can’t provide at this time
Given the choice, most women would love to be a parent.
Nothing would make them happier than sharing their love with a child.
But again, that’s not always possible.
Whether it be because they’re struggling financially or not in a stable relationship, they may decide that this isn’t the right time to bring a child into their life.
Enter adoption. Through open adoption, a woman with an unplanned pregnancy can find a safe and loving home for her child and give that child the kind of future she wants him to have.
3. She wants her child to have two loving parents
Once upon a time, there was a huge stigma attached to being a single mother and raising a child on your own.
Happily those days are gone.
But some of the residual effects from that period still linger today and many people still believe that children do better in a home with two dedicated parents.
For women who are having a hard time trying to make ends meet and aren’t in a relationship with their baby’s father, adoption with a two-parent family is often the answer they’re looking for.
4. She wants to maintain an ongoing relationship with her child
In the past, adoption meant so long and farewell for birthparents.
Once they signed off on their rights, they never heard about their child again or knew what happened to him.
Today, we know that closed adoptions don’t work.
They’re not good for the birth parents or adoptive parents. And they’re not good for the child.
Children need to know where they come from and who they are.
With open adoption, the door is open.
Birthparents have the ability to play as big a role as they and the adoptive parents and child are comfortable with.
And that ability to get involved can be very appealing for a woman who is considering adoption.
5. She wants to have control over the adoption process
Open adoption isn’t co-parenting.
But that doesn’t mean that birthparents don’t have a say, especially in the period leading up to the placement, which can be very stressful and unpredictable.
Depending on how involved an expectant mother wants to be, she can go through as many adoption profiles as she likes and choose adoptive parents for her child.
She can speak and meet with them before the relinquishment and make sure that they’re all on the same page as far as raising their child goes.
And they don’t have to do any of this on their own.
They have the option of having their own independent counsellor and legal advisor at no charge, something we strongly encourage every woman to do regardless of how comfortable she is with her adoption plan or the parents she has chosen for her child.
When it comes to choosing adoption for their baby, every woman has her own reasons to create a placement plan. At the end of the day, it all comes down to doing what’s best for your child and for you.
Before you make a decision, take the time to get yourself up to speed with all aspects of the process and listen to your gut. That way you and your child will feel good about your choice and you won’t have regrets down the road.
Ready to look for adoptive parents for your baby? Check out our couples who are hoping to adopt.