41+ Things You Wish People Wouldn’t Say About Adoption

It’s estimated that one in five people are touched by adoption. If you don’t have a personal connection to it, chances are you know someone who does.

And yet despite the increased awareness about adoption and the countless families that have been created through it, many people are still in the dark about what adoption means and how it works.

As a result, you may have found yourself on the receiving end of a question or comment that rubbed you the wrong way.

This week we asked our Facebook community to share the one thing they wished people wouldn’t say about adoption. Here’s what you told us.

Postscript: Since we first published our story, we’ve received additional questions and comments to the original 41 that readers sent us. If you want to add your to the list, tell us about it on Facebook or email it to us.


1. “Where’d he come from? How much did he cost?”Anne Potter 

2. “Why don’t you just have one of your own?”—Haley Perechy

3. “Aren’t you afraid of the birth mom coming back and taking him away?”—Lori Lyons

4. “Now that you’ve adopted, I bet you’ll get pregnant!”—Christine Meliton

5. “Why didn’t his mother want him?”—Gayle Swift




6. “You two are such amazing people for doing this!”—Stephanie Plomp

7. “Where’s his real parents?”—Audrey Maloney

8. “Why take on other people’s problems?”—Jessica Dempster Lundeen

9. “You’re not going to get one of those drug babies are you?”—Bridget Bierly Hansard

10. “He’s so lucky to have you as parents.”—Cyndy Gervais


11. “Are they really brother and sister?”—Lori Hay Wightman 

12. “Does he know his real mom?”—Jennifer Dance

13.  “But you can have your own children.”—Stephanie Carson

14. “Does he know he’s adopted?”—Lenore Ankenman

15. “It’s different than having your own, right?”—Michelle La Fontaine



16. “I heard kids who are adopted become crazy/really hard/psycho/end up in jail/always go back to their birth families.”—Lindsay Cummings

17. “He’s where God intended him to be.”— Alysia Foote

18.  “You were chosen.”—Bailey Annan Sonday 

19.  “You shouldn’t tell your children they are adopted.”—Sissy Bray

20. “She isn’t, like, some alcohol baby is she?”— Tammy Collins-Rivers

21. “When are you going to pick a kid?”—Erika Barten

22. “Do you have regrets?”—Lorraine Montgomery

23. “Why would you adopt a child with special needs?”—Antonella Arangio

24. “Why would you adopt a child so tall!”—Constance Worden

25. “Why didn’t your real parents want you?”— Margaret Burnfield Henderson

26. “Oh! I thought he was really yours.”—Lori Hay Wightman




27. “You’re a saint for adopting special needs children. I couldn’t do that!”—Kelly Berentsen-Urry

28. “Is it safe for her to visit her birthmom? What if she decides to take her back?”— Stephanie Plomp

29. “How’s the wait going? Have you heard anything yet?”—Valerie Misko Bielenda

30.”Who’s baby is that? It doesn’t look like you or your husband.”—Ashley Thomas

31. “You LET her see her birthmother? I could never do that!”— Shelley Allen-Dominick



32. “You gave up your child.”—Makena Porter

33. “Adoption is a beautiful selfless act and a ‘win/win.'”—Phaydra Morgan

34. “Oh, we tried to adopt from foster care but they were trying to pawn off the ones with problems.”—Heidi Hampson Pfeifer

35. “Why are you adopting?”—Barb 

36. “That, as a birthmom, I don’t love my child.”—Terri Persico Rimmer

37. “They still see their parents?!”—Sherie Cloutier-Campbell



38. “You’re adopting? Here, take one of mine.”—Samantha Brackenridge Boros

39. “Why were you given up? Why did they keep your siblings?”—Whitney Lee

40. “So why are you adopting special needs, aren’t you worried that you can’t handle it.”— Stephanie Carson

41. “Why did you adopt?”—Laura Kati

42. “But she’s so happy! I thought you were her real mum!”—Rosie Lewis

43. “Aren’t you scared she’s going to turn out gay?”—Tina Fay

44. “Why did you adopt a boy too? They are so much harder than girls.”—Kristyl Heidenreich Sutter

* Some comments have been shortened and/or edited.

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