What We Should Have Known About Adoption And Attachment Disorder

This guest post is by Maurice Mierau, an adoptive parent and author.

Maurice-MierauMy wife Betsy and I adopted two brothers in Ukraine, Peter and Bohdan, in 2005, when they were five and three years old.

I’m a professional writer, and have just published a book about that experience called Detachment: An Adoption Memoir, but I’ll tell the story here from the perspective of what I wish we’d known in advance.

We adopted in Ukraine because my Mennonite father’s family lived there until World War II, and so I had deep family roots in the country, but also because some neighbours had successfully adopted two children there in the same time period.

Betsy and I were not able to have biological children, so we started investigating adoption in the province of Manitoba, where we live, in 2003. Continue reading

“Do Birthmothers Like Poetry?” Questions Adoptive Parents Have When Writing Their Adoption Profile

good womanI’ve heard a lot of unusual questions about birthmothers over the last 13 years I’ve worked with adoptive parents.

But there’s one I’ll never forget:

“Do birthmothers like poetry?”

It happened a few years back. It came from a single woman who was interested in posting her adoption letter on our site and had some questions about the content.

A teacher with a gift for poetry, she had already published one book to strong reviews and had taken part in various readings in Toronto and other parts of the country. There was even a video of her performing at an internationally known conference where she spoke passionately about her work and what it meant to her. Continue reading

11 Excuses Why You Haven’t Been Chosen By A Birthmom — And How to Conquer Them

adoption-excusesGetting chosen by a prospective birthmom is hard work. It takes persistence, creativity, and a bit of luck.

Actually, make that “a lot of luck.”

More times than not, there’s no good reason why you haven’t been picked. It could be because your adoption letter hasn’t been out there long enough to make an impression. Or because the right prospective birthmom hasn’t come along and noticed it.

And yet when things don’t go our way, we’re quick to come up with reasons — excuses, really — to explain what’s happening (or, in this case, not happening).

Excuses can be useful in the short run in giving you peace of mind, but they won’t do anything for you down the road. If anything, they’ll slow you down and hold you back from finding a match. Continue reading

Your First Conversation With A Prospective Birthmother: How To Handle It

first-conversation-with-prospective-birthmotherIs there anything more stressful than reaching out and trying to make a connection with a prospective birthmother?

How about speaking to her on the phone for the first time after she’s seen your online parent profile?

You’ve jumped through so many hoops to get to this stage of your open adoption journey.

The last thing you want to do is say the wrong thing and strike out with the one person in the world who could make you a parent.

But you don’t have to. With a bit of care and preparation, you can get through your first phone conversation with a prospective birthmother with flying colours and get your relationship off the ground. Continue reading